No one likes feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability is a sign of weakness and exposes ourselves to the world at the risk of being judged, rejected or condemned. Though vulnerability is linked to building strong connections and leadership, it is such a hard thing to do. To unlock the power of vulnerability requires a shift in our thinking that it is something we do towards something we are.
Vulnerability Builds Confidence
Vulnerability causes pain because it requires fully opening ourselves up. Relaying vulnerable desires, values and experiences creates a transition: from unconfident and afraid to confident and bold. Sharing forces a level of ownership and acceptance, and that at our core, embarrassment and shame is part of what makes us human.
Sounds counterintuitive, but vulnerability builds confidence.
Like a muscle, the more vulnerable we are, the more comfortable it becomes, the more confident we are at being vulnerable. Core confidence is an unconditional acceptance of oneself and the knowingness that you are your greatest asset. Self improvement author Mark Manson adds:
True confidence is being less invested in other’s perceptions of you, than in your perception of yourself.
Having core confidence is vulnerable because it communicates a subtle yet powerful message: “I am who I am, and I’m OK with it“. You prioritise investment on yourself over the emphasis on what other people think of you.
Confidence is based on vulnerability and vulnerability is based on how honest you are with others.
How Vulnerability Built My Confidence
Recently I shared being stalked to someone close. Drawing a correlation to my questioning behaviour since the incident, they responded very poorly. Sharing something extremely vulnerable was confronting. I remember thinking, “It doesn’t matter what they think, this was something that happened to me. I’m OK with who I am as a result of it”. Despite their response, sharing my story gave me power over what happened to me. Eventually they apologised for their response and respected my openness. If I hadn’t acknowledged or shared, I wouldn’t be at peace with what happened to me.
Vulnerability is a Catalyst to Growth
Your ability to deal with failure will determine how much you get to deal with success”. — Dan Kennedy
Another fear of vulnerability is how it challenges people’s emotional inertia: the stories we tell ourselves keeping us within status quo. It is resistance designed by our defence mechanisms to keep us safe. This resistance never goes away but morphs into other forms, preventing us from the changes or goals we want to achieve.
Being accountable is empowering because it transforms into action. The risk of getting hurt is confronted because it means admitting faults, accepting responsibility and making choices.
What you resist, persists. — Buddha
Vulnerability requires scratching layers deeper than the surface and reviewing the constant need for validation to prove a sense of worthiness. It diagnoses whether we are emotionally shut off from ourselves and others. It means acknowledged that there’s always something stopping us or preventing from wanting us to go all in.
Vulnerability brings a level of authenticity that connects because we choose to act without hesitation. People see and feel vulnerability and an relate to it positively. Thus the aim is to not remove the fears of vulnerability, but act despite it.
How Vulnerability Helped Me Grow
Last week I attended an interview in an EduTech startup for an exciting role in the content space. I arrived at the interview with 4 people. It felt a little like Joe Rogan’s Fear Factor:
The interview wasn’t as flawless as I would’ve liked. I make mistakes and mixed up simple things. I went blank and was nervous. It was my first time in a startup environment interview (I’m used to behavioural corporate interviews). I left feeling a little deflated. I berated myself, “How could I mess up something so simple?”. But I also realised how well I had done. I was authentic and genuine and did my best. That’s what mattered most no matter the outcome.
In a world of no absolutes, we have the power to draw our own conclusions and drive our own actions. Why should we fear vulnerability instead of using it to build confidence and take positive action? Why can’t we use it to share our true selves, establish greater, more meaningful and intimate relationships?
