“You are who you are and where you’re at because of what has gone into your mind.” — Zig Ziglar
Why we fear
Reacting to fear is a critical part of survival. The fight-flight-freeze response is a protective mechanism derived from the oldest evolutionary layer of the brain; the reptilian brain. Our Neanderthal ancestors used this rigid brain to assess danger and protect themselves. “Look it’s a lion.” Response: “Run!”
Despite physical dangers being significantly less today, the reptilian brain continues to dictate 70% of our 50,000 daily thoughts. While technological and disruptive advancements have transformed our lives exponentially, our much slower biological evolution has left us with the same line of defence.
Fear isn’t protecting us from lions now, it’s holding us back.
What we fear
Overcoming fear is critical to reinvention. Our most common fears are:
- Uncertainty — fear of the unknown
- Pains of past experiences / doubts of the future
- Failure and loss
- Rejection and judgement — this includes self-rejection/judgement
- Being uncomfortable — resistance to change
- Isolation and being alone
The problem with fear and self-limiting belief is that it avalanches. The more we fear, the more it leads to patterns and habits of negative bias.
For example, fears stem from childhood with someone saying you’re not smart or good enough. It plants seeds of doubt into your mind, and because you believe this, you don’t voice your opinion. In adulthood fears accelerate to bigger problems such as preventing you from going all in with someone you love or stopping you from testing that next idea for a business.
How do you overcome fear and use it to fuel reinvention?
A plethora of psychological and self-development research explains how a positive, growth mindset is much more advantageous than fear, because it increases motivation, decreases stress and overall increases our happiness.
Whether you’re a suffering reinventor or if you’re a reinventor who’s fine. We all have fears. Here are some steps to effectively manage fear and use it to ignite your reinvention:
- Awareness: Recognise if the fear is merited. MD and author Lissa Rankin recommends determining if the fear is a true fear or false fear. Does it keep you safe like an instinct or gut feel? Or is the fear false — where a negative outcome doesn’t actually exist? Awareness is the first step.
- Assess: Analyse possible worst-case scenarios. This helps brace uncertainty. Can you handle the worst ? If you can’t, what are compromises or alternative options? Choose analysis over paralysis.
- Accept: Don’t push fear away. Be friends with fear. Embrace it. Brené Brown‘s Ted Talk explores how vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. Use fear as a booster to break through, not a disabler.
- Act: Take present, positive action. Note what you can do, and take small steps to move forward. The key is to start now with something. Fear can be consuming, and result in self-prophesying inertia. Motivate yourself through win-win thinking, and see opportunity in every outcome.
The 4A’s are seemingly straightforward. However there are other fear factors restricting reinvention. Let’s delve into these:
Previous pains and uncertainty. When we hold onto past pains we project these into the present and future. Power to reinvent exists within full awareness of the present. Stagnating or staying within confides of your comfort zone feeds resistance. Transformational coach Chris Lee says “trust in the process”. Everything will work out. And if it doesn’t there is always something else you can do. Understand your false reward for resisting or remaining in the status quo.
Do you stay in your job because of status or reward?
Are you afraid because there is too much to ‘lose’?
Are you propelling your life towards purpose and intent?
Does staying where you are feed your soul?
Feelings of uncertainty can be mitigated by breaking the cycle — by doing things you usually wouldn’t do. Whether you believed you couldn’t or wouldn’t. Turn a bad habit of thinking you can’t into a good habit of believing you can.
For me, I’m unsure of where Reintention will take me in the long run, but I do know and plan my next step. That I can control. I’m so excited by process of creating because it is so rewarding. This feeds my soul and reason for being — it’s what keeps me going.
Failure and loss. Fear of failure is underpinned by self-limiting, self-sabbotaging beliefs and lack of vision. Do you think you are not smart, rich, entitled, attractive enough to create or reinvent? Don’t believe lies. You can reinvent, and start so now.
Ask yourself:
What do you want to achieve?
What belief about yourself is keeping you from going?
What can you start today?
Petra Kolber refers to fail(ure) as “First Attempts in Living”. Transform fear into faith. What can you do, how can you do it, who can you leverage to make your vision clearer and steps more actionable? Small successes build confidence. Re-write your personal disbelief. Momentum generates momentum.
Adopt the mindset of continuous growth. Perception shapes your reality. I grew through a recent failure. I embarked on opportunity to pivot in my reinvention journey through an engagement with an NGO. I was passionate, prepared and confident. Turns out it didn’t eventuate.
Undoubtedly, I was disappointed. A part of me felt “I am not good enough”. But an overwhelming sense of calm took over and I knew “I’ve learned a lot. This opportunity passing means I have more to learn and that a greater opportunity is soon to come”. I was glad I didn’t make it because there was so much I could do, work on and explore before the right thing did come.
Rejection, judgement and isolation. We are our harshest judges. We reject and judge ourselves more than anyone else.
Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements” is one of my favourite books. The second and third agreements are “Don’t take things personally” and “Don’t make assumptions”. Taking things personally and making assumptions are the root causes to most of our suffering. Is your fear based of false assumptions and judgements? Who is really in the driver seat? You or fear?
Jia Jiang’s Ted Talk about overcoming fear of rejection is to remain engaged. Asking ‘why’ can turn rejection into yes. Vocalising doubts builds trust and creates the habit of rationalising and managing fear.
Fear of isolation comes hand in hand with rejection and judgement. Humans yearn for interconnectedness. Build a community through your reinvention. Disrupting yourself can be lonely, so remembering your whys will keep you focused and on track. Bounce ideas off mentors and coaches and learn off many thought leaders that have gone before you.
Throughout reinvention, stay honest. Don’t play reinvention theatre. As “The Obstacle is the Way” author Ryan Holiday puts it, turn adversity (fear) into advantage (positive action).
The Parable of Two Wolves by Cherokee Indians explains, the victory between the battle of good (kindness, love) and bad (fear, hatred) wolves within us is dependent on the one you feed.
What next…
Though we are scientifically hardwired to fear and be negative take a moment to reflect. What impact are fears having on your life’s purpose? How can use your fears to fuel positive action in reinvention?
- What fears currently exist in your life — personally and professionally?
- What self-limiting beliefs or root causes do they derive from?
- Are they true fears or false fears? What is the worst case scenario that can happen?
- What can I do today to move forward and reduce/alleviate these fears?
- Keep a log of your actions and successes and review them regularly. What also aids in keeping perspective is if you note how these actions also made you feel.
