The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place — George Bernard Shaw
Communication is confronting.
Whether you’ve leaped frogged off your reinvention launchpad or taken the first baby step.
At some point you’ll have this seemingly difficult conversation with your partner, family, friends, colleagues, mentors or managers.
Communication is the exchange of information between to 2 or more parties, involving the encoding — transmitting — decoding of a message with a feedback loop.
It is difficult because decoding or interpretation of messages is often distorted.
This distortion is driven by our perception, upbringing, values, experiences and also our frame (current state of mind).
Between 55–90% of communication is delivered by nonverbal cues or body language; adding another layer of complexity. Most of what is said isn’t actually through what is said.
Overlaid with challenges of navigating your reinvention journey; knowing your whys, the trough of despair, uncertainty and fear, figuring out your purpose, testing ideas…the last thing you want is isolation from people around you (or them thinking you’re crazy!)
How can you seek the best outcome from reinvention conversations and leverage your support network?
My recommendations are partially inspired by Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
But for the purposes of talking reinvention:
1. Explore best and worst case scenarios:
This is dependent on who you’re speaking to. Write a list of pros and cons to frame up best, likely and worst case scenarios.
Want to quit your job but know you need more skills before you can change? What can you do now?
What happened to me: This week I was faced with having a development conversation with my manager. So how could’ve it gone down?
- A. “I love everything and everything is going perfectly”. I knew that this wouldn’t help in my reinvention. Off the list.
- B. “I don’t want to be here any more, see ya later”. Jenny Blake recommends smart planning and execution before taking the leap. This includes financial stability of 6 months pay as your runway as mentioned in her book Pivot. Set yourself up for success not a starving artist.
- C. “This isn’t for me, however I want to support you and learn as much as possible during my time here”. Offering something of value in exchange for something in return is mutually beneficial.
Depending on your relationship with the person and how much you can gauge them, you might choose different options.
Think about your next step. How can you bridge the gap and get closer to it? What value can you add to others in exchange for support?
I went with option C and and the conversation went extremely well. We explored how to further develop my agile and lean skills and potentially digital marketing. All skills of value and interest.
For me, honesty is as important as continuous learning and having fun in the process.
2. Know your why’s — do your research:
Having a solid foundation of why you want to reinvent and what you stand for will guide you through conversation. If you don’t know, start somewhere because it may foster ideas, insights or suggestions from the other party.
Doing research helps execute dreams-to-reality and will support you when asked, “How will you do this?”.
Evidence of action will prove to the other person that you’re serious. They’ll likely be more supportive.
Understanding your why should also be removed from any ego-inflated drivers. Recall, intrinsic motivators will keep you with a long, clear vision of what you do and why.
What I did: I mentioned to my manager why I wanted to learn the aforementioned skills, and when I mentioned Reinvention she tapped me into some of her marketing networks.
3. Trust your gut:
Sounds simple but often when we are faced with the unknown we second guess ourselves. “Don’t be foolish!”…“Am I being foolish?”
Intuition and trusting your innate gut feeling can bring optimal outcomes. Lewis Howes, former pro athlete and entrepreneur quotes this in an article about Donald Trump’s business success.
Intuition also forms part of our protective mechanism. Remember there’s a difference to sticking to your guns and stubbornness or confirmation bias.
Keep balance and perspective. Explore different methods to validate your gut feel.
What I did: I aligned the conversation to my values — honesty and trust. I told my manager with the truth and was met with honest support.
4. Understand the other person’s perspective:
I’m always reminded of author Harper Lee’s ‘To Kill a Mockingbird‘ when understanding other’s perspective. In the book, Atticus, the father and lawyer of the main character Scout tells her that “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
What emotional drivers are fuelling the reaction from the person you’re speaking to? Does you pregnant wife worry about your family’s stablility?
Does your boss worry about their position in the company’s restructure and need you on their project? Does your co-founder or business partner have another agenda?
Stepping away from ‘me, me me’ will allow you to get a bird’s eye view of the possible outcomes and how to mitigate potential conflict, therefore maximising the conversation’s success.
What I did: My manager is also my project lead. I offered my support and commitment in the delivery of the project — she reciprocated with support of my reinvention.
5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help:
Vulnerability is a trust building mechanism. The ability to confide in others is important to growing success. Stand on the shoulders of giants through leveraging mentors, friends and others before you, allowing accelerated learning and avoidance of already-made mistakes.
Asking for help needs to be a balanced of action from yourself. Others may be able to help and support you, but they can’t reinvent for you.
What I did: I openly asked for help in tapping into training that existed within our company for the skills I wanted to learn.
6. Gain energy through power posing:
Dr Amy Cuddy’s famous Ted Talk about body language shows positive scientific evidence of power-posing in various social situations.
Open stance body language can build confidence and allow you to seek energy to confront sweat-inducing reinvention conversations. If we fear public speaking or confrontation more than death, why not utilise this hack to transform the fear into a rewarding conversation.
“Anything worth doing is never easy.”
7. Seek win win — sharpen your sword:
How can you work effectively and efficiently with people to achieve optimal results? How can you both achieve a non-zero sum gain from your reinvention?
Use your reinvention conversations to sharpen your sword — what can you do to build continuous learning and improvement from each action or development in reinvention.
What I did: I have a “trusted advisors” — friends, family, mentors that I bounce ideas off and ask for feedback regularly.
One person complimented me on my blogging improvements but recommended that “a little more me shine through”. I am working towards that.
Reintention rehash:
- Communication is often distorted by our values and previous experiences
- Improve your reinvention conversations through: exploring different scenarios, doing your research and trusting your gut.
- How can you better influence outcomes by understanding other’s perspective?
- Use tips like power posing to gain energy and confidence
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help — are there people in your network which you can rely on? How can you use this to continuously evolve?
